January 2012

Starting weight/size: 61,5 kg/135.5 lbs, Express size 6 jeans and XS tops. Jeans size 30/30, height 5’3″

For all intents and purposes, I am not overweight. I am, however, out of shape, feeling mostly shitty about it and having trouble getting back to it. I stopped caring about the number on the scale once I realized that as long as my clothing size isn’t effected, it didn’t matter. It’s when you have to buy new clothes that it sucks!

I was a super-active teenager and played sports for the school teams, along with rec and club leagues outside of school. I played Soccer and softball for about 17 years once my family moved to MD. I only really fell out of them because I went off to college and the sports pickin’s at art college weren’t the greatest. You can’t, it appears, herd cats. So the school teams weren’t very serious and it was easy to get lost in making tons of art.

I got into Kobudo due to living in Baltimore, which isn’t a safe city for young women. I started taking self-defense classes when the number of rapes and assaults in my area started to rise, and then after I got through all of those, I still wanted more. There was a small group training in the neighborhood and I joined it. I’ve been involved with them since 2001, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. It is not some sport like karate; it is an old war art. We train in weapons that many people don’t even know exist, and it’s not some kind of cardio workout. But it is functional and it’s worked for me, when I’ve needed it.

I was diagnosed with MS in the winter of 2005, and that’s about the time when fitness started to be a  real problem for me. The fatigue that comes with MS, even when I’m perfectly well, is the hardest to deal with. Thankfully, moving to Germany eliminated a lot of that, since my personal fatigue is made worse by the heat… Baltimore summers are brutal and humid, and all I could do when I lived there was go home and try not to fall asleep. Living at the higher latitude and altitude has majorly helped. I am able to do a lot more, for a lot longer during the year. And yes, I speak German.

I have issues motivating myself, although once I get INTO doing something, it’s hard to stop me. It’s hardest to change into my running clothes and go out and run after I’ve come home. My schedule varies from week-to-week, so making a set schedule for myself is completely out of the question… it just never happens! I am pretty lazy and can admit it: I hate showering in the mornings and the house won’t get cleaned until the day before someone comes to visit.

Since moving to Germany, life feels like a permanent vacation in comparison to what my life and social schedule were like in Baltimore. I’ve definitely slowed down and it’s totally cool, since that’s kind of how things are over here. But I’ve got a ton of opportunities to do and try new things, and I need to get to that.

I have to do better with my eating. I eat Gluten- and Dairy-free due to the MS (and yes, it helps a LOT), but I have a major addiction to candy, specifically dark chocolate (dairy free) and gelatin-free gummy strings (gf and df!!). So that’s another of my goals, to get the taste of sugar out of my mouth and back to eating as healthy as I used to (just minus the whole wheat and whole milk). I fell into them because my laziness got the best of me early in my teaching career, and I’d forget to pack lunches, and then I’d be stuck, hungry, and at the mercy of gas stations and bakeries. The bakeries were a no-go, so my only options were candy and potato chips at the stations. It’s my own fault, and I need to fix this!!

I really enjoy running (most of all when I’m in shape, otherwise it sucks!) and doing yoga. I also love riding my bike. And of course, there’s budo 3x per week, when I’m able to train. But when I can’t get to these things, I want to have things to fall back on, and that’s why I’M writing here for everyone to read. I want to hold myself accountable, and that’s much easier to do when you’ve got an audience.

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