Guess who went and saw the Hunger Games this weekend??? I’m a happy girl about that.

So, while I don’t think that Peeta and Katniss’s relationship is an unhealthy one, I just felt like including them in the post. Because I said so, and because I think Peeta falls into a better category, which I’ll describe below.

I just read a blog from SELF magazine, called ‘6 ways Your Boyfriend is Helping you Pack on Weight’. Since I was once with a guy who did just that, I wanted to see if what HE did was listed in the article.

It turns out that almost our entire relationship was summed up in six points. So I think I need to share that and talk about it, in case anyone else is having the issues that I had back then.

I think we can all agree that Steph, Kamay, Michelle and I have amazing partners. So do Drew and MJ, and I’m sure the other guest bloggers do, too, if they happen to have partners! We learn over time what’s good for us, and everyone seems to be good right now. That’s pretty excellent.

That wasn’t always the case for me, and I know it wasn’t always the case for many of my friends.

I was with a guy for a long time who managed to continually make me feel terrible about myself, but also managed to convince me that I could never do any better, and so I stayed with him. It was a rough six years which were peppered with many deaths, changes and health problems. Nothing about our relationship was healthy.

Rather than making this a venting session about my ex, I’d like to talk, point for point from the article, about my own personal experience, with the hope that it might help someone else who’s struggling:

1. He brings you sweet treats and takes you to new restaurants:
Well, yeah. He was a candy and ice cream fiend. He ate ice cream for breakfast. He cooked for me ONCE in the entire 6 years that we were together, and it was a grilled cheese sandwich, as he showed me how to make it. Before we lived together, he never used the oven… so by the time I moved in it was covered in mouse droppings since he had a rodent problem. He never bothered to clean the oven or replace it, so it was either stove-top cooking (which I became GREAT at) or eating out. We were regulars at TGIFridays, Burger King and the diner 2 miles away.

2. He’s into wine and cocktails
He was definitely a cocktail drinker, and we were often out at clubs since I was a late-night promoter for a few years. We met when I was a sushi waitress. I might be into wine, but I hardly ever drink more than a glass or two out at a party.

3. His idea of cooking is ordering takeout
See #1.

4. He eats all the time
The guy was taller than me, skinnier than me and ate more food, which was bad for him, more often than me. He had the metabolism of a racehorse and will most likely have high blood pressure and cholesterol, if not a heart attack, by the age of 42.

5. He’s not big into exercising
He only was when I WASN’T. If I was going to the gym, he wanted to stay home. If I was home and unmotivated, he wanted to go to the gym. We broke up and he went back to the gym, go figure. But we only ever made it to the gym once or twice together. Which would have been nice, except he refused to do the same workouts as me, so I didn’t even see him when that happened!

6. He loves to snuggle on the couch
He literally did everything in his power to keep me from leaving some nights, because he wanted to just lay on the couch with me. And I would do it, because I appreciated the positive (but still negative and controlling) attention.

*
Truth be told, it was an emotionally abusive relationship. And while my experience is not the experience of everyone, I think that we do too often stay home and hang out, just to spend time with our significant other. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing, not at all. In fact, I think quality time is majorly important (esp since my love travels a lot and for long periods of time for work). But it’s rough when you KNOW you have to work out and your partner is laying on the couch, asking you to join them!

We should all make time for the ones we love. And we should also make time for ourselves. It’s nice to share hobbies and fitness activities with your significant other; I find that my best relationships have had this quality to them… In fact, it’s usually been how we’ve met in the first place!

But it’s also nice to have a partner who understands how IMPORTANT specific things are to you, and who motivates you accordingly. Kamay writes all the time about Rick telling her to get up and go. Michelle and Matt push each other (and tell each other to take it easy), too. Steph and Kyle do just about everything together. René and I are the same, and it’s awesome. It’s really important to have someone on your side who’s cheering you on, whether they’re online, on the phone or sharing the toothpaste and housework.

Hindering your progress and work (or actively trying to) isn’t healthy, and it’s not what good partners do. So if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want you to succeed and doesn’t find your personal success important, you might want to reconsider why you’re with them!

I think Peeta and Katniss are in a healthy relationship 🙂 I think Peeta’s a pusher. Have you read the Hunger Games trilogy? I straight devoured it like it was dark chocolate topped with gummy bears.

*

Please note: if you think you might be in an abusive relationship, please talk to your friends or a licensed therapist about it. Get some outside perspective and please don’t wait!

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About germanymarie

I work hard, and I live hard.

3 responses »

  1. countrykay says:

    I really agree with this on a HUGE level, but I think it goes in many different directions as well. Years ago I dated a guy who told me how fat I was ALL the time and pushed me to do weight watchers and such, keep in mind he never had to work-out ever to keep his build & constantly bragged about his 5% body fat…(major eye roll). After loosing 40 or 50 pounds I was like a splinter of my own self and had no energy to do anything I was constantly dieting or exercising and going to college full time and working full time. It really reached a point of unhealthiness. To a degree that he would take me out to supper and then call me out in front of everyone on how much I was eating and how unbelieavbly fat I was to even consider eating that much. He would ask me what I wanted to eat and then make me eat in the car b/c he didn’t want to be seen with someone that could eat that much, which was really morsels to what any human could consume truly. Needless to say we were only together for a year and enough was enough, his controling issues became more than I could bare and I called it quits. It was like breathing a sigh of relief – I could finally eat and not be critisized and I reached a very healthy weight and stayed there till my kids came along. Sad how people can be, truly & I’m Glad we are strong women and we can rise above it!

  2. Michelle S. says:

    Umm I could. not. put. it. down. I have to read the 2nd and 3rd books now! 😀

    This post is soooo true. It is so important to have a good partner that supports you. But, there were times where I wanted to try things, like being a vegetarian, or something like that and Matt was still eating burgers and snacking at night … right in front of me. Not that your partner should conform to your wishes, but it made it even more difficult.

    He’s gotten much better about eating veggies. Before, he was a total meat and potatoes kind of guy .. and I think that he truly IS and eats veggies to be a good example for our son. Hmmmm, I wonder who planted that seed in his head…… 🙂

    xo

  3. s_cin says:

    It’s always that much more helpful to have a partner to keep you in check, or like the others, to support you.

    I think the best thing aside from soccer that Kyle & I share is Climbing. He would rather do that than workout at home, especially in winter. He’s a winter bug when it comes to working out, unless it’s climbing. He’s getting better with it, but what I LOVE is that he’s NOT hindering me from working out at all. I tell him all the time, “I worked out today…” and he never puts me down. Sometimes he’ll even text me when he’s just finished working out. He doesn’t eat horrible at all, but not exactly the same as I do. I’ve been teaching him some stuff and vice-versa. I love it!

    I think there’s only been 1 or 2 guys I dated (thankfully they’re long gone!) who tried to have some control over me, mainly with eating since I used to not care as much what I was eating. I let the 1st one do it, because I too was blinded by puppy love. I caught onto the 2nd one, and I’m able to appreciate Kyle so much more because he doesn’t want to control me, or sway me on the wrong direction.

    Great idea to post this!

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