I’m a few days off of my period, in case that title didn’t give it away. And while I didn’t eat these things individually, I did eat them, and have been eating them over the course of the past two days, in a recipe that I tried.
My interest was piqued on Pinterest when I read ‘the BEST Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough DIP‘. Really? That’s not dairy-free at ALL, but I was really interested to see if it really tasted like cookie dough, which is easily one of my favorite flavors.
I can’t find the EXACT pin that I saw and clicked on, but if one were to go to Pinterest and search ‘cookie dough dip’, one would find about a million copies of the same three images, over and over and over again.
So I picked up the ingredients at the store. I have to say that I found the recipe slightly suspect after reading that it was mostly butter and cream cheese, but for the sake of science and readers everywhere, it HAD to be tried. I kind of wish I would have plugged the ingredients into a recipe calculator first, because if I had, well, I wouldn’t have even bothered to make this.
Let me just say that the recipe doesn’t necessarily disappoint. It tastes as much like cookie dough as something can without being actual cookie dough. You’re supposed to serve it with Nilla Wafers or graham crackers to a party of I guess 20 people or more, but I didn’t have any of those and wasn’t about to add Gluten insult to Dairy injury. So I decided that it would be best to eat it with my GF crackers, which didn’t do much for it. It was at this point that things got pathetic, and I graduated to just eating it with a spoon.
It took me 2 days, 4 sittings to down this. That equals 4 servings, give or take. I finished it today and felt pretty terrible. My stomach hurt, it was definitely TOO SWEET after weeks of barely ingesting any sugars, and I knew it couldn’t possibly be good for me.
I wasn’t aware of JUST how right I was on that last thought until I finally plugged the numbers in to a recipe calculator. Now, this recipe didn’t turn out a LOT of dip, and if this dip were present at an intimate gathering of just the four of us bloggers here on the site, I am certain that against ALL of our combined best judgements that it would have been gone by the end of the night. Maybe there would have been a suicide pact made after that, or before we all agreed to down it since it tasted good, I don’t know. But I do know this: This shit is really bad for you, and as I said above, NOT to be served at a party of any less than 20 people. Why?
Because even at 8 servings (which I thoroughly failed to reach in TWO DAYS), this is over 400 calories a pop. Imagine how that number would have ballooned if I HAD been ingesting crackers of some sort along with the dip. My dinner tonight has fewer calories than this, and this is supposed to be dessert, or sitting on the buffet table during a football gathering?
No. Honestly, this belongs at a sleepover for teenaged girls, because they’re probably the ONLY ones who can take this much crap into their bodies and NOT show it in the coming weeks. Right next to the pizza, bowl of candy and virgin daiquiris.
After I saw this number (ALL of these numbers, look at the carbs, sodium and fat!!) I went back to make sure the recipe was correct. It was. People might have been shocked when they found out Paula Deen had type 2 diabetes, but if this is the type of stuff she’s giving people to make on every show, is it really that much of a surprise?
I felt like all of my progress had been lost. All I could think about was how much work I’d have to do (nay, how many Jump off Jiggle circuits I’d have to do) to right this incredible wrong. And my stomach is still kind of hurting, 2 hours later. Lesson learned.
Here’s hoping that Pinterest can giveth in the same way that is has taken away. Learn from my mistakes!!!