Tonight, I attended my first EVER yoga class. Not only was it my first yoga class, but it was my first ANY class. I’m not a joiner. Plain and simple. I always wanted to take a class, but I never had the courage for fear that I’d be judged by my fellow classmates, my instructor. Myself.
I signed up for a Beginner’s Vinyasa Yoga class through the local rec center. As per my usual state of mind, I assumed leading up to the class that I’d start doubting myself and filling my head with negative thoughts.
Am I going to suck at this?
Will I look like an idiot?
Will everyone know I’ve never done yoga before?
What if I fall over?
This time it was different, though. I signed up in late November and in the weeks leading up to my first class, I filled my brain with tasks. Holiday cookies needed to be baked. My son’s 1st birthday was fast approaching. Christmas presents needed to be bought and wrapped. I didn’t allow myself time to dwell on my upcoming class. It was very peaceful (aside from all the shit that I had to get done for the holiday’s and little man’s birthday).
Even this weekend didn’t drag me down. Instead, I was taking care of a sick baby with a high fever (I blame teething). So, I didn’t focus on what was to come. I was dealing with what was happening now. Today, my baby was a miserable cranky mess. He was emotional and clingy and just having a really hard time with his top 2 teeth, so I gave him everything I had and when it came time to walk out the door, I didn’t even think twice. I didn’t try to come up with an excuse — even though it was snowing and I could’ve easily used that. I just grabbed my bag and water and left.
During my drive to class, it was snowing pretty badly and visibility wasn’t great so I was really focusing on driving and getting there in one piece. People drive like assholes in any kind of precipitation. Especially in Northern VA.
When I arrived, I was a minute or two late and the class had already begun stretching. Usually, I’d be really embarrassed and giving myself a bunch of crap, but it was a very welcoming environment. I just went in, got my mat out, took my long sleeve shirt off and jumped right in.
The instructor was maybe 5’1″ or 5’2″ and older than me. Heavier, too. But oh so flexible and she had great balance. I, surprisingly, had great balance, too! I really surprised myself tonight. In fact, I think I kicked ass! I was able to keep up and even did some of the more challenging poses that others weren’t able to do. Other people who had done yoga before were looking at me! I mean, really?!?
It felt great. So relaxing and my body feels straighter like it’s stacked right on top of itself the way it should be. Even my back is straighter while I’m sitting in the chair writing this post.
On my way home from class, I made a few phone calls. One of the people I was telling about my first yoga class, explaining how well I thought I’d done, said to me “That’s good. It’s not that hard.” My response to this was a chuckle and a roll of the eyes. I guess I shouldn’t have expected a pat on the back, but to downplay my hard work and the fact that I actually got my ass off the couch and out there in the snow to work my body was disheartening.
Or it could have been.
My point: there will always be naysayers. There will always be someone to rain on your parade. That someone might even be YOU. If you are going to succeed in your goals you have to turn a deaf ear. Turn the volume down and listen to yourself. Listen to how great you feel. Listen to your body as it aches and gets stronger with your efforts. Who gives a shit if someone thinks they can do better or if they think it’s just “so easy.” Did it feel easy when you were doing it? No? Then screw them!
I am so proud of myself for how well I did tonight and I’m already looking forward to my next class. In fact, I’m already looking forward to Intermediate!We are already so hard on ourselves. Love yourself. Truly. Because, in the end, the relationship you have with yourself is what’s going to get you where you want to go.